A prostate cancer diagnosis affects more than the man who receives it. Partners often share the worry, take on practical tasks and adjust to changes in daily life and intimacy. Your support can make a real difference, but it is also important to recognise that this is a challenging time for you as well.
At diagnosis
Many partners describe feeling shocked, frightened or helpless at first. It is normal for you and your partner to react differently. One of you may want to learn everything, while the other prefers to take things more slowly.
Ways to help in the early days include:
- going with him to appointments, if he would like you to
- taking notes and helping to remember what was said
- writing down questions beforehand
- helping to find reliable information
Our guide to your first steps after diagnosis covers what to expect.
Making treatment decisions
Choosing a treatment can involve weighing up side effects that affect you both, such as changes to continence and sexual function. Your partner may value your view, but the final decision is his. You can help by:
- listening without pushing towards one option
- helping him think about his own priorities
- encouraging him to ask questions of both a surgeon and an oncologist
Our article on surgery or radiotherapy sets out questions you might discuss together.
During and after treatment
Practical support can make recovery easier:
- After surgery: help with the catheter supplies, encourage short walks and take on heavier tasks for a few weeks. Our guide to going home with a catheter explains what is involved.
- During radiotherapy: help with transport to daily appointments if needed.
- During hormone therapy: be aware that tiredness, hot flushes and mood changes are common side effects, not personal.
Encourage him to keep up pelvic floor exercises and gentle activity, without nagging.
Talking about intimacy
Changes to erections, ejaculation and sex drive are common after treatment. These can be difficult to talk about, but open conversation helps. Many couples find that:
- intimacy can be expressed in many ways beyond intercourse
- patience is important, as recovery can take months
- seeking support from a specialist nurse or psychosexual therapist can help both partners
Recognising emotional changes
Men may feel low, anxious or frustrated, particularly during recovery or while waiting for PSA results. Signs that more support may help include withdrawal, persistent low mood, poor sleep or irritability. Our article on mental health and prostate cancer discusses this.
Looking after yourself
Supporting someone with cancer can be tiring. It helps to:
- make time for your own interests and friendships
- accept offers of help from family and friends
- talk to someone you trust about how you feel
- look after your own health, sleep and diet
- seek support if you are struggling
Macmillan Cancer Support offers support for carers and families, and Prostate Cancer UK runs a helpline open to partners as well as patients.
Planning ahead
Some couples find it helpful to think about practical matters, such as time off work, finances and who to tell. Doing this together can reduce worry and help you both feel more in control. It may also help to agree how much you each want to share with friends and wider family, and who will pass on updates.
You are part of the team
Partners are welcome at consultations and can play an important role in recovery. Asking the team what you can do to help is always reasonable. Specialist nurses are often happy to answer questions from partners directly, and many support groups welcome partners to meetings.
Professor Prokar Dasgupta welcomes partners to consultations at The London Clinic, 145 Harley Street. Please contact the clinic to arrange an appointment.